Parents Destroying their Children

Dr. Adel Elsaie

To Muslim Youth: This is not an excuse to accept destroying your life

Teaching Islam to our Children - Nouman Ali Khan - 2012

Quran: Surah Al-Kahf [18:28]

 

18:28. "And keep yourself (O Muhammad ) patiently with those who call on their Lord (i.e. your companions who remember their Lord with glorification, praising in prayers, etc., and other righteous deeds, etc.) morning and afternoon, seeking His Face, and let not your eyes overlook them, desiring the pomp and glitter of the life of the world; and obey not him whose heart We have made heedless of Our Remembrance, one who follows his own lusts and whose affair (deeds) has been lost." 

I live in a city in USA, and I personally know eight Muslim girls who left Islam for Atheism, Jehovah Witness, Christianity and Buddhism. Their parents’ negligence is to blame. 

One day I was giving a talk about arrogance. One brother came in, and asked me “What is the topic today?” I said "arrogance." He said “I am not arrogant, I am very humble,” and left. Everyone laughed, because we knew he was arrogant. This is called denial. Please examine yourself carefully and listen to what people say about you. Please read carefully. I don't want you to cry and be miserable 10 to 20 years from now. This is a heart breaking. 

Here are some examples of parents who destroy their kids’ lives: 

♦  Parents who don't show their kids constant love and affection risk having psychologically unbalanced children. 

♦  Parents who don't understand that kids are KIDS, who love to play, laugh, and be loved. In the same time, kids need to be disciplined to be responsible when they grow up. 

♦  Parents who let their children to be addicted to technology, don't see or understand the signs of this destructive addiction. Parents need TO CONTROL A CHILD'S TECHNOLOGY ADDICTION 

♦  Parents who don't understand that growing kids IS a full time job. 

♦  Parents who don't pray with their kids or take their kids to the mosque. When the children grow up, they will not have the discipline of prayer and the moral values of Islam. 

♦  Parents who don't read Quran to their kids or don't tell their kids short stories about the only role models that we have, Muhammad and his wives. 

♦  Parents who engage in power struggles and make the life of their children miserable. Each side claim he or she is on the "right" side of Islam and Fiqh. The children will look outside for happiness, legal or illegal. 

♦  The mother who colors her hair blond, and does not dress Islamically. The kids adopt their mother’s example when they grow up, and may adopt un-Islamic behavior. 

♦  The busy parents who come home late only to have dinner and watch TV, use their IPOD, IPhone, don't check their homework or grades in school, have no time for their kids and don't teach their kids that Islam and their study are much more important than these technological wasteland. These parents think it is enough to work and get money. Kids need love much more than money. 

♦  Parents who always tell their children go play, watch TV, play video games, and do something away, just leave me alone because they are tired, and they are watching TV to relax. 

♦  The father who marries a Christian, keeps wine in his house, watches adult shows on TV, and allows his children to go to church with their mother. 

♦  Parents who let their children watch violent movies or cartoons, and wonder why their kids are aggressive and out of control. 

♦  Parents with a chronically sick child and do not show their love, affection and support to the child. 

♦  If the parents are authoritarian, the child becomes fearful of making mistakes, starts lying for the fear of being punished and feels insecure. Unfortunately, abused children become abusers when they grow up. The parent should remember that the only absolute authority in the house is the Will of God, and everyone has to submit to His Will in order to expect submission from a younger person. 

♦  If the parents are emotionally disturbed and depressed themselves without treatment, they will not have time for the children, leading them to withdraw, become depressed or develop anti-social activities. 

♦  Parents who are perfectionists and expect the child to be perfect all the time, the child will have two options. Either he or she will live up to the expectations or will develop opposite tendencies, i.e. a teenager keeping his or her room messy to get back at the "ever cleaning" mom. Parents should not make all the choices for their children, but help in their individual growth. 

♦  The over-protective, anxious parent cannot raise a confident child ready to deal with the real life. This child will feel danger everywhere. While the child has to be supervised, he or she does not need the physical presence of the parent at all times. They should raise a strong child, strong enough to carry on their work if they meet a sudden death themselves. 

♦  The parent who cannot say no to a child, spoils him or her by providing him or her with every wish every time. This child will demand whatever he or she wants immediately and put on a manipulative show to get it. One parent complained how their five-year-old will stop breathing until she got what she wanted. The parents have to learn to control their love and discipline themselves in order to discipline their children. The child's necessary desires should be met according to the means of the family, but a time may come when a firm “no” should be put into practice. 

♦  Parents who take sides in sibling rivalry encourage jealousy and hatred. They should not prefer boys over girls or the reverse and fair complexion over dark ones, bright ones over less bright, but try to be fair to all of them and neutral in their fights. 

These parents destroy their children, and their marriages too. It is crucial that parents look at their kids as precious gift from Allah, and be content with the blessings of Allah, the most generous. 

Don't take the easy way out. 

The name of the game is: you pay a little now, or you pay later much more.